The Last Minutes

Illustration of a businesswoman worried out of time

I do believe that this is my first post of the year, and it begins with “Last Minutes”.  Sounds foreboding, but it isn’t, really.  I’m actually in the very early stages of labor right now, yes, during the Super Bowl, and I want to write a few posts before Baby J is born.  I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am not going to get “a few” posts in, but I had to write AT LEAST one.  I honestly and truly wanted to post this whole pregnancy, but how does one find the time?  No, really?  How do you do it?  If you’re married and you and your spouse both work full-time and you have other children and you have a fairly active social life, please tell me how you have time to write  (if that’s your thing) or do any other hobbies. I need some tips. 🙂


Anyway, that’s not why I’m here today.  I’m here today to write a little bit about this new, incoming, baby girl.  I’ve posted a few times about our now toddler, N, and life is very fun with her.  She is growing and developing well and is quite the techno toddler.  I’m always amazed by what she can do: unlock my cellphone and make specific phone calls, change movies in the player and start the new movie, turn her little netbook on, sign in, and type her name (along with a bunch of gibberish), call up the command prompt on my computer and run tasks in Russian that would destroy my computer if my husband didn’t catch her in time.  And she’s TWO! Amazing. I wonder how much of it is this generation and how much of it is her being just like my husband?


I also wonder how Baby J will be.  Will she be more of the creative type, like me, or another techno baby, like my hubby and N?  Will she be drama or will she be shy?  Will she be stubborn, sweet, or another bossy pants?  I also wonder if she’ll be another sugar cookie like N or a chocolate chip cookie, like me?  Will her hair be super curly and brown or wavy and black or medium curly and reddish?  Will she have hazel eyes like her dad or brown eyes like me and N?  I wonder….


I can hardly ever tell anything from ultrasounds pictures, but we saw one picture the week before last in which we could actually see her face clearly (she usually covers her face with little fists).  She looked so sweet!  She had full, pouty lips and a sweet, round face, and even though it’s impossible, she looked more brown to me lol.  Either way, now is the time, and we will be headed to the hospital at any moment.  I hope to be able to write again sooner rather than later.  (I actually have a lot to share.)  Wish us luck!


I’ve been wanting to share this with you since we returned home from our trip last week.  I actually have quite a few things to share…I just need to learn how to put baby down so I can blog.  Her cuddle-highness is difficult to put down, though!  Anyway, let me get this story out before she awakens.  It made my travel day.

TSA:  Please take out any quart bags that contain liquids.

Husband:  Here ya go.

wheres the milk

TSA:  Is this it?

Husband:  Yep.

:::Incredulous Silence:::

TSA:  Just this one bag?

Husband:  Yep.

TSA:  Are you sure?

Husband:  Yep.

TSA:  What about the liquids for the baby?

Me:  I am the liquids for the baby.

TSA:  🙂

Baby It

“This is the first time I’ve held this baby in 2 days.”

“Well someone won’t let it go.  I’m not saying who….”

Long pause….

“Let what go?”


“Wait, are you calling my daughter an it?”

“Yep, so what.  I call my daughter it.”

“I don’t care what you call your daughter, my daughter is not a thing. She is a real, live human being.   She is a she.  Don’t call her an it.”

“Of course she is.  She isn’t a he or a shem.  My daughter is a she, too.”

“Well, you can’t be sure of that until she’s born.  Only then can we be 100% sure she’s a she.”

“Either way,  MY daughter is not an it.”

I don’t know why this 3-way conversation with my mother-in-law and pregnant sister-in-law rubbed me so raw, but it’s been on my mind all day.  I see it with a couple of differently lenses.  First, I don’t like calling babies “it”.  Even when my daughter was in utero and we didn’t know her gender, we called her “baby”.  Second, race is ever present in the back of my mind…most times, the front…and I feel like I’m fighting Sissy to validate baby girl as a real person.  Third, just because Sissy decides to call her child a name doesn’t give her auto-permission to call her niece that name.  Just because she does it doesn’t make it okay for my Fussy Bear.

So, to be fair, I honestly believe that I’m the only person who gave this conversation a second thought.  I know Sissy wasn’t being offensive on purpose; however, if she deliberately continues to call my daughter “it” now that she knows I don’t like it – well, I will be forced to rain frowns down upon her head.  A month of frowns…. 😦

New Year’s Day Reflections

It’s New Year’s Day, and we’ve been pretty chill.  Hubby has been on his computer all day, and baby girl has been strapped to me in the Baby K’tan while I played Words With Friends, caught up on Facebook posts, and watched movies with  the in-laws.

We first watched the newest Madea – Witness Protection – and now we’re on a Harry Potter marathon.  Both movies make me think about my daughter and how she would fit in.  Would she be a fish out of water at Madea’s house like that family was?  If something happened to us and she had to go live with someone else, would she be deprived of one whole side of her heritage, like Harry was before the big shaggy dude rescued him?

running fish from aquarium

Will we be able to give her fair and balanced doses of both cultures, or does it not even matter?  I mean, it IS 2013…I would hope that she has no trouble finding her place.  It isn’t illegal for her to exist or for her father and I to be together, but she looks different (and kids are still cruel).  Is it possible for her to be confidently secure in both parts of herself and fit in both worlds?

A New Year…A New Journal

It’s about 12 minutes before the arrival of 2013, and I just wanted to drop in and say hello.  I’m looking forward to writing here, and my goal is to write often.  I haven’t done very well with my website, but I do have plans to write there, as well.  While my website is dedicated to writings that I hope to publish one day, this site is just about life as I perceive it and as it directly relates to my family.

I wish I had started this journal when we discovered almost a year ago that we were pregnant.  Before my daughter was born, I dreamt of her often.  What would she look like?  How would her hair be?  Would she be brown like me?  Would she love me?  These might sound like silly questions, but they were there, in my mind, and legitimate concerns.  Even people around me voiced my private thoughts.  I’ll tell you what they said later…it’s almost time and I need to go curl up with my hubby and baby girl for the countdown.

Welcome, 2013.

It’s nice to meet you.  🙂